Horrorfest 2007 Movie Review: Lake Dead

Lake Dead Movie PictureBeautiful girls in little or no clothing get raped and murdered in Lake Dead, a B-grade crapfest version of The Hills Have Eyes meets The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. One of 2007’s Horrorfest films, Lake Dead has its moments, but most are uninentional.

Lake Dead follows three beautiful sisters who have just learned that they have inherited remote real estate from a grandfather they thought was long dead. Along with their friends, they travel to their hotel but for some random reason decide to camp at a nearby lake, which makes for easy pickings for the mutated, inbred hillbillies living nearby. As the friends are picked off one by one, two of the sisters realize that they are destined for something worse than death.

There are a few things about Lake Dead. The young women in the movie are hot. Sometimes they wear bikinis, on a rare occasion they get naked, and almost always are wearing something tight and skimpy. For this type of movie, that’s important. There are some good gory moments, even though the film is so low budget at times that the blood looks more like red paint. Best of all, the film has some great, albeit unintentional, one-liners. Here are two examples:

  • A guy who is known for cheating takes off into the woods to collect firewood with the seductive slut of the group, and the two end up having sex. As they undress, the female says to the guy, “Let’s see if your wood can light my fire.” All women should use that line. That’s hot.
  • Near the end of the film, after one of the main bad guys is killed, his protagonist brother who is responsible for the death says, “Now that’s fucking family.” Inbreeding. Screwing. Get it?

This is dialogue that you just can’t get these days in theaters, but thankfully the Horrorfest films are deemed as “too disturbing for theaters.” If The Hills Have Eyes can make it to theaters, then any film can make it to theaters, and the only reason Lake Dead and the rest of these Horrorfest films don’t get wider releases is that they’re too terrible for theaters. While I do enjoy these violent, B-grade horror films more than the PG-13 crap that usually find wide releases, I can’t say that they’re better movies as a result. The gore, violence and sex/nudity make up for a little of it, but Lake Dead offers some of the worst acting I have seen in a long while. The actors are quite cringe inducing at times, and you have to wonder how realistic their career aspirations are.

Basically, Lake Dead suffers from being a lot goofier than the filmmakers ever intended it to be. It is entertaining enough, but its similarities to other and better horror movies make it pale in comparison. The makeup and gore in the film is cartoonish at best; the inbred brothers aren’t even remotely intimidating. The bad, psychotic cop is borrowed directly out of Chainsaw Massacre, and the rest plays out like a titillating teaser to a better movie that doesn’t exist.

Those of you looking for a bad but enjoyable film should look no further than Lake Dead, but if you’re in the mood for real horror or suspense, keep searching.

By Erik Samdahl
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