Thanks, Toyota, For My Panic Button

Thanks, Toyota, for being so innovative with your technology. While you could have spent the last ten years developing fuel efficient cars or figuring out how to make an MP3 jack standard in your vehicles, you instead went out of your way to add a Panic Button to my car’s remote control. What a useful feature. Thank you, Toyota!

After all, the Panic Button is a real life saver. I live in Bellevue, Washington – not exactly crime capital of the world. Hell, I’ll walk around in the streets of Seattle all night and not be frightened for a second. As a 26-year old male I am at huge risk of being attacked by a stalker or rapist, but this Panic Button makes me feel safer. I love the thought that at any time – when I’m near my car – I can hit that little red Devil button and fire up the car alarm, to scare away anyone who’s lurking nearby. Or wake up my neighbors. Or drive me crazy.

Because as useful as the Panic Button is, its secondary uses are far more valuable. Like, when I’m trying to carry my car keys and laptop bag in the same hand, and I accidentally trigger the Panic Button. Thanks for reminding me just how loud my car is – while I’m sitting in it. Or when I’m walking back from the gym, talking on the phone, and holding my keys and gym bag in the same hand. Or several bags of groceries. Or if it presses against something in my pocket wrong (you know what I’m talking about!). Thank you, Toyota.

I really appreciate the time and effort it took you to add this handy feature to my purchase. As much as I would have liked an MP3 jack (I did, thankfully, get to pay Car Toys $250 for a cord to stick out of my dash and not do a damn thing but play silent music) or even – gasp – an automatic trunk release on my remote control, I couldn’t live without the Panic Button from Hell.

Thank you, Toyota, for the most annoying, pointless feature a car can have.

By Erik Samdahl
Related categories: Miscellaneous
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