Wow. Does April suck or what. In preparation for the summer months to come, April sees a very small selection of films open wide – and very few of them will be worth your time of day. Here are the movies you should see in April 2009:
- Observe and Report
From the writer and director of The Foot Fist Way comes Observe and Report, the latest Seth Rogen comedy. Hot on the tails of Paul Blart: Mall Cop, this one is also about a security guard – but its R-rated, Rogen-esque humor is far from that surprise hit. While the movie does look a little more slapstick than some of Rogen’s other movies, it does still look similar – and if it is, it will be the movie to see this month. Rogen rarely chooses poorly, and this should be another successful comedy for him. And I’ll never consider kissing a woman who just vomited again.
Opening only a week earlier is Adventureland, a comedy I fear will fly under the radar due to lack of promotion. However, comedy fans should pay attention: this is another R-rated flick from the director of Superbad. Enough said.
- The Soloist
This Robert Downey Jr./Jamie Foxx film was originally set to open in December, perhaps as a potential Oscar candidate. Strangely, it was pushed back to April, making me question the quality of this release. At the same time, the previews have been strong, suggesting that this could be the first big drama of the year. While Foxx’s popularity has faded a bit since the days of Ray, Downey Jr. has never been hotter; it will be interesting to see how this one plays out.
- State of Play
The lack of promotion for this political thriller does not bode well, but State of Play has an excellent cast in the form of Ben Affleck, Rachel McAdams, Robin Wright Penn, Jason Bateman, Jeff Daniels, Helen Mirren and Russell Crowe. The movie is about a scraggly journalist who uncovers a massive political cover-up, putting his life and reputation at risk.
And that’s it. Those are the four movies that I actually plan on seeing in theaters. Four frikkin’ movies. In an entire month. That’s just plain sad. But… I promised eight movies, right? So here are four more that could have their entertainment value, even if I don’t have high hopes:
I’m not a Beyonce fan, but Beyonce plays the wife of a businessman whose indiscretions with a crazy assistant lead to a pretty bad situation. Yes, this Fatal Attraction offers the prospect of seeing Beyonce and Ali Larter in a mud fight, so I’m sold right there. Other than that, Obsessed looks like a pretty run-of-the-mill erotic thriller, but I could think of worse things.
- Fast and Furious
The first one sucked. The second one was worse. The third one was… not as bad (but still pretty stupid). Now, the director from Tokyo Drift has brought together the original cast – Vin Diesel, Paul Walker and Michelle Rodriguez among them – for this cleverly titled action flick. I have absolutely no love for this franchise, and am not expecting much from this one. Still, as mindless entertainment goes, there aren’t many other options this month.
- Crank: High Voltage
The first Crank was awful, stupid and overly frenetic. Crank 2 looks “bigger and better,” but that’s all relative. Despite my ill feelings toward the original, the filmmakers seem to have embraced the ridiculous nature of the original and taken it to the extreme. The trailer is surprisingly effective, highlighted by a scene of Jason Statham rubbing against an old woman for static electricity… his hot little whore.
- The Informers
This limited-release movie will probably be a disaster, but it does have one thing going for it. While I am shallow for saying it, the rest of the Internet users who have downloaded the unrated trailer are no better. Amber Heard, the hottie who has been starting to pop up here and there, gets naked. Will it be enough to draw me to theaters? Probably not, but I’d be surprised if it even opens at all in Seattle to begin with.