Top 10 Movie Lists Movie Reviews Awards & Oscars Box Office TV Series
pacific-rim-characters

The 13 Lamest Movie Characters of 2013

Share:

Good movies, bad movies, everything in between. It doesn’t matter. Every single one has characters, and some characters are just better written than others. Some are terrific and will stand the test of time. Others are just a downright waste of screen time.

Here are the 13 lamest movie characters of 2013, characters that contributed so little to the overall benefit of their respective film – or worse, they were directly responsible for ruining it – that they would have been best left on the cutting room floor, or in the writer’s head.

thor-2-natalie-portman

13. Jane Foster in Thor: The Dark World

Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) is supposed to be all smart and shit, but in the Thor sequel, she really does nothing even remotely intelligent. Instead, for plot purposes, she simply happens to be in London when, conveniently, a wormhole opens up. Then, when she gets sucked through said wormhole, she does what no halfway intelligent person would do and sticks her hand inside the giant glowing rock, causing her to get possessed by the vapor form of the black oil from "The X-Files." She then spends the rest of the movie looking pretty, except for when she uses some little metallic sticks that are never explained to do something that no one cares about.

Thanks, Jane Foster.

12. Every Character in Pacific Rim

Pacific Rim is about giant robots battling giant alien monsters. That may be enough to appease some people, but for the rest of us, the array of bland, stupid or downright annoying characters Guillermo del Toro serves up is inexcusable.

Partners and possible lovebirds Raleigh (Charlie Hunnam) and Mako (Rinko Kikuchi) have nearly zero chemistry with one another, but they are the least of the film’s worries. Other characters include the requisite asshole who hates Raleigh for no reason, two of the most annoying doctors ever to grace the silver screen (led by Charlie Day) and stereotypical Russians.

Also, why don’t they use the swords earlier???

11. The Lone Ranger in The Lone Ranger

Though the sample pool is small, Armie Hammer has a knack for finding big roles in potentially big movies that suck. Following his success in The Social Network, he played the gay lover in the supposed-to-be-great-but-not J. Edgar, the prince in the putrid Mirror Mirror and the title character in the blockbuster flop The Lone Ranger.

Hammer’s Lone Ranger is boring, bland and fairly useless. Sort of like the movie itself.

10. Most of the people in You’re Next

Sharni Vinson plays protagonist Erin in You’re Next, and she kicks ass. Everyone else… not so much. Whether it’s due to bad writing or bad acting or more than likely some glorious amalgam of the two, the rest of the cast/characters in the horror-comedy serve as the worst kind of horror cliches. The acting is so bad in the first half of the movie, it’s a complete relief when just about every single person is slaughtered in the second half.

1 2 3
By Erik Samdahl
Related categories: Action Movies, Comedies, Drama Movies, Featured, Top 10 Movie Lists
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

AROUND THE WEB

  • Border

    They couldn’t have made it any clearer as to why swords were not used during PR. The blood was toxic and blunt force was better used instead of swords.

  • Richard Gosch

    You are not lame if you blow up half of Moscow.

  • don57

    Don’t waste your breath Border, despite it’s unexpected success it’s become fashionable to hate on Pacific Rim

  • eriksamdahl

    Ha… Pacific Rim has proven to be a surprisingly divisive film. The more I think about it the more stupid I find it to be, but some people just love this movie. Success has nothing to do with my problems with the film, however.

  • eriksamdahl

    Thanks. I don’t know if they made it THAT clear… I totally missed that reference in the movie. Did they mention it more than once? And even still, punching and shooting wasn’t working… resorting to swords still would have been a better option earlier on.

  • Michael

    It’s not that it’s fashionable, it’s that different things matter to different people. The plot? Predictable and slow. The characters? One dimensional and cliche. The dialogue? I know I cringed more than once. But to a lot of people, that matters a whole lot less than the cool factor of giant robots fighting giant monsters, and the sheer dazzling visual spectacle of it.

    What I don’t get are the people like you who like the way it looks yet feel compelled to defend the parts that weren’t good too. You don’t have to go all-in with a movie and like EVERYTHING about it.

  • eriksamdahl

    Michael, well said.

  • cris

    its one of the first things they mention XD and if blunt force saves more lives than just dropping acid all over the place, i’ll go for blunt force ;)

  • eriksamdahl

    Like in the opening narration? They needed to reinforce it throughout… most people I talk with always wonder about the lack of sword usage. Basically the battle doesn’t turn in their favor until they start using swords, so I’d argue they needed to start sooner – acid blood be damned.

  • joe

    you guys are stupid!

  • Doc

    Welcome to the internet

  • worst list this year…

    Hipster jabber. Your opinions are uninspired and predictable. If you played in a movie this year, your name would get top billing on this list. Talk about lame.

  • Eoghan-Tony Dwyer

    I dont remember them making that point, and if they did, they certainly didnt emphasize it. I dont care what people say about going for blunt force. There are ever increasing amounts of deadly monsters. I think i’l take my chances and use the big fucking sword that already worked. Fuck the civilians. Its a fucking war for humanity where every battle counts

  • Eoghan-Tony Dwyer

    Ye I liked the movie similar to why I liked Transformers. PR defo beats transformers in case there was any discussion

  • Eldo

    Just shut up and go back to your planet, “Erik Samdahl”, you talentless hipster prick.

  • Eldo

    It’s a movie about giant robots!! What where you expecting? Hamlet?

  • eriksamdahl

    We aim to please.

  • eriksamdahl

    You don’t have to read…

  • rahuldey85

    Why you hate on Pacific Rim?? :P I loved that movie.

  • Patrick Bateman

    Pacific rim, “why don’t they use the swords earlier?”, easy answer. so that we can see the awesome elbow rocket, etc. what kind of ‘LAME’ reason make you pay to see a fantasy film if you have so much logic in your head?

  • Andy

    What I don’t get is this: if critics know absolutely everything there is to know on making a great film, why don’t they make a great film instead of sounding bitter and jealous? Anyone can go on the internet and sound jaded about every film they’ve ever seen. If you’re looking for a philosophical awakening and spiritual ascension, maybe try reading Kant or Persig, rather than watching films about giant robots or Oz.

  • eriksamdahl

    Andy, it’s much simpler than that: people have opinions, and this website, like any other entertainment website, newspaper or magazine, is devoted to sharing our opinions on movies. And we expect our readers also have opinions, and they can share them with us (whether they agree or disagree) at any time. If you look through this website, you’ll see that we actually “like” more movies than we don’t, and even many of the items on this list are from movies that we enjoyed. Articles like this are simply meant to drive discussion – not be the be-all-end-all determination of what is good and what is bad.

  • JEREMY JONES

    This isn’t a worst character list…this is an “the author is an incredibly negative person and needs somewhere to bitch and whine” list!!!

  • Greaterfool

    Idris Elba was kinda cool in Pacific Rim, but then again, he was the most talented actor in the whole movie/

  • Sean Alexander Watson

    i’m probably gonna get a lot of hate for this but I liked Johnny Depp as Tonto, I thought he was the best part of the movie

  • Casey Austin

    All though a few of your noms are reasonable, in Iron Man 3 it was clearly stated that Aldrich’s plan was to put someone in the presidency he had control over to own the “war on terror” so his weapon company AIM would have the manufacturing rights for the governments weapon contracts. he explained this clearly to pepper and tony on a few occasions (after iron patriot suit brought president, when tony was tied up).

  • pickaname

    I just discovered this, and I do agree with most of your posts. However, I don’t understand how you couldn’t find Idris Elba in Pacific Rim at the very least “cool” and the very most “great”. I thought he was absolutely badass.

  • eriksamdahl

    Yeah, he was fine, but still a bit cliche. Compared to everyone else, he was pretty badass.

  • Earych

    I loved PR. Having grown up on Ultraman, Spectraman Johnny Sokko and Voltron, I found the movie to be great fun. The fight scenes were exhilarating and the characters appropriately comic bookish.

  • Luis Romero

    Its funny how critics hate PR but defend others movies like Avengers for the same reasons. I don’t think PR is an Oscar winner but don’t feel all those characters are undimensional either. its like fine art some people don’t see nothing while others can read a whole book in the paint.

  • Luis Romero

    Agree, he made a great difference. he is a excellent actor.

  • jong

    I agree with you, some of the list here are really a great movie.
    I’m still wondering, how he come up with this list. Did he made survey or something? But my guess is he is just making his own opinion. and yes, he should change the title!

  • miktay

    The Wizard of Oz did explain why she became the wicked witch. And I liked Identity Thief

  • http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2010758051/westerly Irabbit75

    Say what he will about Pacific Rim I thought the characters were as fleshed out as they needed to be for the situation. I think people expected a lot more character development than they should have considering it was a 2 hour movie and the real draw was the giant robots vs giant monsters. Still my favorite movie of 2013.

  • Earych

    Mine too. Still kicking myself for not seeing it in the theater.

  • http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2010758051/westerly Irabbit75

    Not to rub it in but i saw it in IMAX. Gypsy was lifesize and it was awesome.

  • Earych

    *falls to his knees and whimpers.

  • Grayson

    The general consensus for “You’re Next” is that it was supposed to be somewhat of a parody/satire on the horror genre, while not fully doing in the silly direction of the Scary Movie franchise. So really, the complaints about the characters in it were acting as they were supposed to. This is a school of thought on it anyway.

MOVIE BLOG