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The 13 Most Embarrassingly Dumb Scenes of 2013

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9. Hugh Jackman’s testicles in Movie 43

You’ve never seen Movie 43 and hopefully never will, because it is a truly awful comedy that demonstrates how filmmakers, with the right connections, can trick A-list stars into making something even Satan frowns upon.

The movie begins with Kate Winslet’s character going on a blind date with a man named Davis, who is considered the city’s most eligible bachelor. Davis, played by Hugh Jackman, has a secret: testicles. On his chin. No joke.

No further explanation required.

8. CGI snakes attack the Identity Thief

Identity Thief is a bad, bad, bad movie. It is so unfunny it comes full circle to create a perfect, perpetual loop resulting in a comedic vacuum. While the movie is a disaster from Minute One, nothing exemplifies its awfulness more than a middle act scene where Jason Bateman’s character gets attacked by a poorly drawn CGI snake in the woods.

Why does Identity Thief have CGI snakes? Why are the characters in the woods? Why is the movie so unfunny? These are questions even God can’t answer with confidence.

7. Vin Diesel defies physics in Fast and Furious 6

The Fast and Furious franchise is absurd, and with every new iteration the filmmakers continue to push the realm of believability to the point that you have to assume the characters or cars are going to do something that makes no sense at all.

While for whatever reason I can forgive the 28-mile runway in the film’s climax, Fast and Furious 6 jumped the shark at the end of a sequence where a bunch of sports cars take on a tank, because that’s what happens in the Fast and Furious movies. Defying all physics and realism, Vin Diesel manages to propel himself out of a car, across a wide gap on a tall bridge, catch Michelle Rodriguez who is already flying through the air, and wrangle her to safety by slamming her into the windshield of another car.

It’s entertainment, but the worst kind of entertainment.

6. Iron Man climaxes in Iron Man 3

At the end of Iron Man 3, exploding villain Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce) kidnaps the President of the United States for some reason and Tony Stark shows up to save the day. After watching Stark run around for two hours trying to fix his damaged suit, it’s finally time to see him kick some ass. Except…

Suddenly, every Extremis-infected henchman can seemingly destroy Stark’s suits with incredible ease, which is rather surprising consider his single suit has survived an alien invasion and countless other dangerous situations. Furthermore, if Stark’s entire inventory of suits could fly to him at any time, why did he spend so long trying to fix his one suit? Why didn’t he just summon one earlier?

Don’t even get me started on Pepper Potts.

 5. Swordplay #fail in Pacific Rim

Pacific Rim has its diehard fans. And then there are the rest of us. The movie is built upon a thousand great ideas, very few of which are expanded upon to the degree they needed to be to make Pacific Rim work. But on a simpler note, why not use the swords earlier?

For much of the movie, the gigantic robots spend their time punching and shooting invasive monsters without much success, unless you consider putting the entire human race at unnecessary risk. Suddenly, one of the robot pilots remembers she has a sword, and that sword proves to be an extremely effective weapon as swords have proven to be over thousands of years.

One commenter on a recent article about the 13 lamest movie characters of 2013 noted that the monsters apparently bleed toxic fumes, which is why swordplay is a last resort. But even still… wasn’t humanity backed into a corner long before the swords were drawn?

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By Erik Samdahl
Related categories: Action Movies, Comedies, Comic Book Movies, Featured, Science Fiction Movies, Top 10 Movie Lists
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AROUND THE WEB

  • ty

    I get where youre coming from on the MoS thing. But that was not the scene that ended the movie. There were 3 more after that, that were the most satisfying ending in comic movies, in my opinion. It was done very well.

  • ray

    That’s why I don’t like Ironman3. Tony’s amors become pieces of crap when he meets those “men of flesh”,if he can be avenger,then so can all those villains .

  • fz

    If someone makes a list of the 13 dumbest articles of 2013, I feel this should be on the list.

  • Po

    In IM3 What´s up with Potts flameproof sports bra?

  • John Goldsmith

    Why do I keep reading these snipey articles.

  • Kayoss860

    IM3, he couldn’t summon his suits because Jarvis was not working. He tried to fix the one suit so that he can regain communication with Jarvis. But I have to agree. In the avengers his suit took a direct blow by Thor’s hammer, but falls apart right when a truck hits it. So much inconsistency.
    Man of steel, why couldn’t he just covers zods eyes or fly zod some where else?
    Fast and furious is a movie? I thought it was a video games with all its improbable stunts and scenes.

  • Nero121

    Well in the Avengers the iron man suit was literally a piece of armor, one piece, all connected and screwed together, It was my understanding that new new suits in IM3 were electronically or magnetically connected to him for whatever new science mojo he injected himself with, I.E. the suits magnetically holding together and enough force pulls the magnets apart, I could be wrong since I am no nerd that reads comic books with a magnifying glass but that was my impression.

    For man of steel I would imagine that covering his eyes would be something like putting your hand over two flame throwers until they run out of gas. As to why he couldn’t fly, it would seem to be that he was using all his strength to stop Zod, who is basically as strong as superman, from turning his head that last inch. For him to fly he would have to relax and kick off, that relaxing would probably end with Zod being able to turn his head. Unless he can fly without moving an inch of his body then I stand corrected. Though I would admit always thought the laser beams he shoots from his eyes were directed at his eyes, it makes no sense to me why Zod couldn’t just glace at the people and have the beams follow them. If anyone can explain this to me I am curious

  • Nero121

    She fell into an explosion, clothing does not burn off just by passing through flames.

  • Nero121

    Well they aren’t exactly normal flesh, they have been drugged up and all crazy. Besides the aliens shoot at tony there is nothing to suggest that they are super strong. The extremists or whatever they are called were pointed out to be super strong. I.E. pulling apart armor with ease. If the aliens were super strong don’t you think that the alien invasion might have been a touch worse

  • Edward La Guardia

    Wow, the fact that the crest at the end of Catching Fire aggravated you that much that you included it on this list shows that you clearly have too much time on your hands.

    Well, that and the fact that I don’t know anybody who thought anything remotely negative or positive towards it. I think you and your band of friends are the only people who gave a crap about that inconsequential moment.

  • nyniggazbcrying

    How is zod as strong as clark after only 6 days in a yellow sun (or however many days compared to years)? Real question

  • Tre Tastic

    it’s sooo easy to hate on the author of these. at least be constructive with your arguments.. if you don’t agree, you don’t have to sound like an a**hole trying to explain.

  • NetShark

    Stark had to learn how to fly his suit, mistakes and all. Rhodes gets in and instantly masters every control in the most amazing stunt maneuvers ever seen.

  • eriksamdahl

    Thanks, Tre. We write these to spark debate and discussion. It’s always interesting how certain people decide to just bash the author because they disagree.

  • eriksamdahl

    It’s a super cheesy moment in an otherwise good movie.

  • eriksamdahl

    Valid point. And don’t get me wrong – I loved Man of Steel. I just didn’t like that one scene.

  • Nazleen

    Dear Lord! Get a Life!

  • Nazleen

    get a life!!!!!! lol get laid!!! or something…damn!

  • howareyouanauthor

    The AUTHOR makes them self sound like an arrogant bag of dicks. Try writing in such a way that doesn’t make it sound like you’re claiming the whole movie is shit just because of one scene that you forcefully over-analyzed. It’s really pathetic that this is even an article in the first place. Do something productive for the world.

  • eriksamdahl

    As the author, I actually like this comment. Pretty good.

  • eriksamdahl

    The point of articles such as this is to evoke debate. What do you agree/disagree with? Which thing are you even complaining about?

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