Miscellaneous

With some truly big movies out this summer, most notably The Dark Knight, IMAX once again is the place to see movies. Or at least so I’ve been told.

I’ve actually never seen a “real” movie at the IMAX, i.e. a Hollywood production; the only IMAX movies I remember are the ones from my childhood, like Beavers and Everest. Those are all fine and good, but after missing movie after movie after movie on the big IMAX screen, I decided it was time to finally to make my move and hit up The Dark Knight on the lauded format.

The nearest IMAX is in downtown Seattle, about 25-30 minutes from where I live. Take parking and walking to the theater into account, it’s probably a 45-minute trip one-way. That being said, it doesn’t make much sense for me to spend my time and money to drive to the IMAX, buy my tickets at the box office, and return home. So, I did what I presume most people do when they decide to buy tickets to the IMAX – they go to the website.

Now, I hate ticket surcharges. It’s not necessarily the cost (though it is in this situation), but the principal of the matter. I understand perhaps a $1 fee here and there, as most ticket-sellers are essentially middle men and deserve to profit from being such. With Fandango, though, the per-ticket fee is not cheap, making it much more worthwhile to drive to the local theater and pick up the tickets myself. Actually, I just checked, and it’s only $1.25, but that’s per ticket, which means things add up quickly. Don’t even get me started on TicketMaster, which should be sued by the government a thousand times over.

Anyway, back to IMAX.

So I decide to go see The Dark Knight with a couple of friends. Two of whom I’m buying tickets for. I go to the site, select three tickets, which, understandably, are slightly more pricy at $10.75 a pop. That’s fine. But wait, what the fuck is this? A $3/ticket charge? Three fucking dollars per ticket? Are you fucking kidding me?

Now let me digress. Let’s say a company such as IMAX decides to build their own e-commerce system. I bet it could be made for $1,000, but for doubt’s sake, let’s say a system costs $100,000 to make, maintain and keep secure.  At $3 per ticket, that means it would take 33,333 tickets sold before breaking even. The Seattle theater alone seats 405 people, which means 82 sold out showing. The Dark Knight has four showings a day, which means that it would take them 21 days of showing Batman to break even. We’re on day 18 of the film’s release, and almost all of the showings have been selling out.

In other words, assuming the ridiculously overpriced cost of $100,000, a one-time fee, it would take the IMAX just over three weeks of convenience charges to pay for their entire system. Even if they had to pay that every year – which they don’t – they would be immensely profitable. Of course, IMAX outsources their e-commerce, which means they pay a small fee for each ticket sold, but it’s probably like 25 cents, which means $2.75 extra profit per ticket.

Oh, and there’s also a $2 order charge to top everything off.

And IMAX is saving money because their “convenience” charge is not for us but for them, as they don’t have to pay people to manually sell tickets to us moviegoers.

Bottom line: I paid nearly $15 per ticket, and IMAX is making nearly $5 of pure profit off my transaction. Fucking scam if you ask me.

Thanks, Toyota, for being so innovative with your technology. While you could have spent the last ten years developing fuel efficient cars or figuring out how to make an MP3 jack standard in your vehicles, you instead went out of your way to add a Panic Button to my car’s remote control. What a useful feature. Thank you, Toyota!

After all, the Panic Button is a real life saver. I live in Bellevue, Washington – not exactly crime capital of the world. Hell, I’ll walk around in the streets of Seattle all night and not be frightened for a second. As a 26-year old male I am at huge risk of being attacked by a stalker or rapist, but this Panic Button makes me feel safer. I love the thought that at any time – when I’m near my car – I can hit that little red Devil button and fire up the car alarm, to scare away anyone who’s lurking nearby. Or wake up my neighbors. Or drive me crazy.

Because as useful as the Panic Button is, its secondary uses are far more valuable. Like, when I’m trying to carry my car keys and laptop bag in the same hand, and I accidentally trigger the Panic Button. Thanks for reminding me just how loud my car is – while I’m sitting in it. Or when I’m walking back from the gym, talking on the phone, and holding my keys and gym bag in the same hand. Or several bags of groceries. Or if it presses against something in my pocket wrong (you know what I’m talking about!). Thank you, Toyota.

I really appreciate the time and effort it took you to add this handy feature to my purchase. As much as I would have liked an MP3 jack (I did, thankfully, get to pay Car Toys $250 for a cord to stick out of my dash and not do a damn thing but play silent music) or even – gasp – an automatic trunk release on my remote control, I couldn’t live without the Panic Button from Hell.

Thank you, Toyota, for the most annoying, pointless feature a car can have.

After my discouraging trip to the movie theater on Monday night in a failed attempt to see The Dark Knight, my roommate and I were at least entertained to witness a blonde do what blondes do: something dumb. Now, I have several blonde female friends, and they’re quite smart (though they do have their blonde moments from time to time), so I don’t mean to pander to stereotypes here. Well, OK, yes, I do.

This isn’t going to come across as all that funny to those who didn’t witness such a thing, but as we stopped at a traffic signal in downtown Bellevue, the city where I live (near Seattle), we observed as the woman in front of us – a dirty blonde – started to work on her hair. This is fine, as when I sit at traffic signals and have nothing to do, I usually a) scratch myself, b) stick my hand through my sun roof or, generally, c) try to check out cute dirty blondes in cars around me. Unfortunately, I couldn’t see if she was cute or not, but I could see her playing with her hair… and, well, she didn’t make it too far.

She first straightens her hair with her hands, and then starts making a move as if she’s planning to convert her free flow into a ponytail. As I’ve observed women all over the world put their hair into a ponytail, I have to assume this is pretty simple, though I generally am amazed that women know exactly how to turn chaos into nice hairdos. Anyway, while she’s holding her almost-ponytail in one hand, the light turns green.

An average person, I assume, would give up on their hairstyle attempt and wait until another light. After all, it’s not like she had started braiding it in an elaborate manner – she had just grabbed her hair with one hand. But does she let go? No. As a good blonde would do, she keeps one hand on the steering wheel and proceeds to navigate through five or six more lights and over two miles worth of road. The road is entirely straight, with just a few hills and dips involved. Not that I encourage it, but if she really wanted to finish her hair – presumably by just tying a band around the ponytail – she could have taken her other hand off the wheel for a split second to do so.

Instead, she holds her hair with her elbow sticking out toward the passenger’s side. The multiple green traffic signals don’t thwart her. The miles of open road don’t thwart her. And even when I finally turned into my apartment complex, she was still holding her hair like it was a Faberge egg. Who knows how many more miles she carried that hair.

Anyway, not that funny now that I’ve committed it to paper, but it was pretty hilarious at the time.

Things have changed since September 11th. Security at airports is more of a pain in the ass in the ever. For some reason, we still have to take off our shoes, as if the terrorists are really that dumb to put C4 in their shoes anymore. The United States is set at a constant state of Orange Alert, whatever that means. Countries can be attacked even without doing anything to the U.S. Our government can spy on us without a court order. However, we’re still looking for WMDs in Iraq.

But what pisses me off almost as much as having to take my shoes off at airports is listening to the song “God Bless America” during the 7th inning stretch of Major League Baseball games. The policy was implemented the day baseball returned to the airwaves after the attacks, and that is fine. The policy continued through the playoffs and World Series. OK.

Then “God Bless America,” if memory serves, played during the 7th Inning Stretch of every MLB game in 2002. A big baseball fan, I go to a lot of games. Maybe not as many as some, but I’d say 25 games a season is more than most people go to. That’s a lot of times to hear “God Bless America,” and think of the players – they have to hear it at least 162 days a year. Sure, the National Anthem and Take Me Out to the Ballgame are played every game, but one is our national anthem, and other is a pure baseball tradition. “God Bless America” is just something Bud Selig added to appeal to patriotic sensibilities, and presumably NASCAR fans.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m patriotic. Yes, I’m liberal AND patriotic (I don’t view the two as being mutually exclusive, at all). No, I don’t wear American flag underpants or burn Dixie Chick records or take everything (or anything) our President says at face value; in fact, I question most things our government tells us, and even what the national media tells us. But I love America and am proud to be an American, despite everything we do to the world.

So, when I say I hate the song, “God Bless America,” I am not being unpatriotic; I am simply saying that it is an overly used, annoying, biased and ultimately offensive piece of music.

Why should MLB not play “God Bless America” at its baseball games anymore? Here are a few reasons:

• As an atheist, it mildly offends me. OK, in reality, I just don’t like hearing the song, but being forced to listen to “God Bless” stuff is just nauseating.
• On that note, though, whenever I hear, “God Bless…” I think Christian. Which is fine, except baseball is a sport for all people and all religions, not just Christians. What do Muslims think? Hindus? Buddhists? Most don’t care; they live in a country based on Christian principles. Fine. But in an age of political correctness, shouldn’t the MLB be a little more… politically correct? (see, I actually suggest being PC when it’s in my best interest)
• Furthermore and foremost, “God Bless America?” Isn’t that a little self-centered, a little pre-globalization. Patriotism and a little bit of nationalism is fine, but how about “God Bless the World?”I’d find that a lot less offensive, as we shouldn’t be concerned about whether God blesses this country but rather the world as a whole? “America” implies the United States, but a good chunk of baseball players are from other countries.

Why this random post? It has nothing to do with movies, though arguably it has to do with entertainment. But really, I just got really annoyed when, after listening to “God Bless America” at the baseball game, the Gasworks Park fireworks show on 4th of July (the biggest show in Seattle) did their finale to Celine Dion’s version of the song. Isn’t Dion a Canadian, for starters? And two, really? That song of all songs to do your finale to? No!

Seattle is not a huge city. It’s no Manhattan or Los Angeles. But it’s not a small city. In fact, it’s the largest city among several states in the Northwest. In other words, it is not a team that should be without a professional basketball team.

Yet, today, the city of Seattle struck a settlement with Clay Bennett and the other Oklahoma City owners who bought the Super Sonics last year. Seattle makes some money, but Bennett and Oklahoma City gets the Sonics. Starting next year, the Sonics, or whatever they will be called, will play in Oklahoma City, a place I’m pretty sure that will never have a fan base or market equivilant to what Seattle has or will have. How is it right for a place like Oklahoma to have an NBA franchise and Seattle not to?

Let’s face the facts:

• Seattle no longer has a basketball team. That just sucks. It’s embarrassing and just plain messed up. I don’t even like basketball, have only been to one winning Sonics game ever, but as a sports fan – and a Seattle sports fan at that – I cannot believe we just lost our team.
• We no longer have rookie of the year Kevin Durant. He could be great. Too bad we don’t get to keep him.
• Clay Bennett and his group are a bunch of sleazebags. It’s bad enough to go into another state, buy a company and then move the company, as you’ve always planned, without thinking about the negative ramifications for those left behind. It’s an entirely different thing when that company is a professional sports franchise that has had deep ties in the community for decades.
• David Stern cannot be trusted. It just doesn’t make sense to move the Sonics away from Seattle to Oklahoma City (though I see the city has a population of 1.2 million, amazingly). This was political from the beginning.
• Seattle no longer has a championship-winning team. The Sonics won in 1979. That was the last time Seattle got to celebrate a championship victory.
• And most importantly, Starbucks should be banned. Perhaps stores should be burned, and not just the ones that are getting closed down. Howard Schultz, despite his legal campaign to “save the Sonics,” had to know that Bennett and his crew wanted to move the Sonics. In fact, one can hardly blame Bennett when Schultz, a Seattle guy, the CEO of Starbucks, either so maliciously sold the Sonics to out-of-town owners – or did so in idiocy.

Yes, there are some positives. Seattle gets to keep the colors, the name and so on and so forth, pretty much guaranteeing that we will see the Supersonics back in Seattle at some point. But that’s at least five years down the road, and then there are the years of rebuilding, et cetera. We may have a good ten years – a whole frikkin’ decade – before Seattle has a decent basketball team again.

So, all I can say is ban Starbucks now.

As a Seattle Seahawks fan, I am by nature a Lofa Tatupu fan. The young, under-sized linebacker has given a boost to the defense and has gone to the Pro Bowl all three years of his short career. In the offseason, Tatupu signed a new $42 million contract with the Seahawks.

So, I was saddened to see that Tatupu had been arrested for a DUI. This is old news by now, as this happened quite some time ago, but how utterly disappointing! What a stupid, stupid way to risk your career. Will the Seahawks can him? I can’t see them doing that, but Seattle has taken action in the past. Either way, I’m disappointed in the guy for not putting a tiny fraction of his salary to a pay for a driver.

Read more about Tatupu’s DUI here.

By the way, if you like to know about celebrities who mess up their own lives, you should head on over to this celebrity DUI website. The website has much more content than that, but for my audience, I figure that’s what will be most appealing.

This bugs the hell out of me. With actors, radio hosts and newscasters forced to go off the air due to a single slip of the tongue, how come Fox commentator Michelle Malkin isn’t getting stripped of her job for fueling a ridiculous argument about a Muslim headscarf that isn’t even close to being an actual Muslim headscarf. And if it were a Muslim headscarf, who… the… fuck… cares? And even if she cares – even if you care – who… the… fuck… cares?

If you somehow haven’t heard about this, Malkin, a right-wing psycho (I can only assume), said that the scarf Rachael Ray wears in a recent Dunkin’ Donuts commercials looks like a kiffiyeh, a Middle Eastern garb that is “popularized by Yasser Arafat and a regular adornment of Muslim terrorists appearing in beheading and hostage-taking videos.”

Um, seriously?

Listen, if she feels this way, fine, and normally I wouldn’t call for her dismissal or even a boycott. She’s practically declared that she is a bigot and an idiot. But, considering this day and age where every little misstatement results in the end of someone’s career, how is this not worse?

First, the scarf isn’t a Muslim scarf. It’s just a scarf.

Two, even if it is a Muslim scarf, how is that succumbing to terrorists? How does it even relate to Muslims? What is wrong with Muslims?

Three, why should Malkin reasonably assume that the scarf is intended by either Ray or Dunkin’ Donuts to be a symbol of terrorism? Look at the picture – it just doesn’t make sense.

Oh, and shame on Dunkin’ Donuts for actually pulling the ad. Corporations need to stand up to absurd accusations and fight back. I actually have less respect for them now that they’ve bowed to pressure – but how much pressure were they actually receiving? Preposterous.

OK, having lived in Seattle most of my life, I know that the weather is hard to predict around here. Forecasters are safest when they predict a chance of rain and clouds; less so when they call for a completely sunny day or one full of showers. But this Memorial Day Weekend has me shaking my head…

Early last week, the call was for warm temperatures and sun. By middle of the week, we were looking at 50-degree temperatures and rain. Lots of it. By end of the week, that prognosis was the same. It was going to be one crappy Memorial Day Weekend.

Come Saturday, I wake up and what do I see but blue skies. Not just blue skies, but blue skies without a cloud in sight. OK, I think. It’s blue now, but a storm is going to rear its ugly head any minute, the temperature is going to plummet and the skies will open. Or, how about it pushes into the 80′s and stays blue and hot all day long?

A little after noon, I check the online weather forecast. It still says that there’s going to be a high of 73 and showers. No where, including the little icon, does it indicate sun.

Today, Sunday, I wake up. It’s a little gray, but nothing too bad. It’s now 6:30, and what kind of day did I get? Another day of sun and warmth, albeit not as nice as Saturday. Still, the forecast for today reads a high of 66 and showers – no sun icon. What the hell?

There’s no real point to this blog post other than to vent about how bad the weathermen are around here. It’s OK if the weather is unpredictable and you can’t see far into the future, but at least admit it. Don’t pretend like you’ll be accurate five days in advance, let alone one.

While I’m on the topic of rants, the Seattle Mariners blew an eighth-inning lead to be swept by the Yankees. How does my team suck so badly?

The article Man arrested in Texas for trying to cash $360 billion check from Yahoo! caught my eye. A 21-year old North Texas man named Charles Ray Fuller walked into at a Fort Worth bank and handed a teller a check with a lot of zeros on it. For some reason, the teller found this suspicious and decided to report the attempted withdrawal.

Fuller was arrested, primarily for being a dumbass but also for forgery. He claims his girlfriend’s mother gave him the check to help him start a record company; his mother, realizing that her daughter’s boyfriend is more of an idiotic loser than he first revealed, denies that she did any such thing. The fact that Fuller was also carrying marijuana and a gun makes me believe the mother.

A $360 billion check? Are you kidding me? How stupid can you get???

Absolut Vodka has gotten itself in trouble with an ad aimed at Mexican audiences. The Absolut ad features the tagline, “In an Absolut World” and shows a map of Mexico and the United States… only Mexican territory includes California, Arizona and other states that once belonged to Mexico before the U.S. took the land over in 1848.

The ad has evoked criticism from some Americans, and after a slew of complaints, Absolut withdrew the ad. As a marketing director and an American, I find it sad that people get so worked up over something like this. Sure, some people living in those states may not like that “in an Absolut world” they would be living in Mexico, but come on? Who cares?

Whenever something offends someone, I think they should ask themselves these questions:

• How has it impacted my life and will it affect my life in the future?
• Is this something that I believe the general public would not want their children to see? (not just your personal opinion)
• Of all the things I have to do today, is complaining or getting upset about this thing a priority in my life?

Of course, if you honestly answer those questions, this Absolut ad should fall so low on your priority list that it isn’t even worth a second thought. If it is a high priority for you, then I’m sorry for you, brother.

From a marketing perspective, I think the ad is great:

• The Absolut ad was released in Mexico only, where, apparently, sentiments are still strong about the lost territory. Absolut was targeting the emotions of its audience, and it struck a chord.
• The ad is visually appealing and eye catching.
• The ad isn’t inappropriate in any way or form (and, in fact, for a hard liquor commercial it’s actually quite tame)
• Shouldn’t the ad be in Spanish, though?
• The ad is not intended to, nor will it, incite violence.

I am an American, but I am ashamed when people become worked up over such things as this. I’m sure in every country people complain about something, but it’s still embarassing. Do you think the “This is Our Country” song that plays with Chevy commercials play well in Mexico or other countries where immigrants derive from?

Matt Leinart, quarterback of the Arizona Cardinals, is making headlines this afternoon for appearing in several questionable photographs involving him and a bunch of scantily-clad college girls. The two “dirtiest” pictures involve Leinart holding a beer bong for a young woman and another where he’s in a hot tub surrounded by four young beauties.

Some bloggers and other people are calling him a loser, a bad role model, so on and so forth, but I say this is absolutely ridiculous:

• Matt Leinart is 24 years old. If he wasn’t doing these things, I’d be worried.
• If the worst trouble he gets in involves beer and women in hot tubs – still wearing their bathing suits – than isn’t that a good sign. I don’t see any drugs, guns, prostitutes or minors involved.

I say to all you people who are getting on Leinart’s case, “Get a f**king life.” Personally, I’m jealous, and I hope he took full advantage of the situation: the guy is young, a quarterback for an NFL team, and surrounded by hot college girls. He better have done more than just sat in a hot tub with them.

And, just for the record, I am a Seattle Seahawks fan, so I want nothing more than to see the Arizona Cardinals continue to fail – the way they do year after year regardless of pre-season hype. I have no love for Leinart, but come on, people… Get a life.

Here are the Matt Leinart pictures:

Somehow, despite stints in a mental facility, her “ownership” being transferred to her father, an odd British accent, a bitter custodial battle and more, Britney Spears has managed to release a new music video. This music video is animated, and features Britney Spears as a superhero who fights bad guys, flies through the air and more. Too bad the music video sucks.

Don’t get me wrong: I have nothing against Britney Spears. I love comebacks, and I hope she gets to do one of those one of these days. At first, her self destructive behavior was a bit entertaining, but once we found out she has some more serious issues, it became more troubling than anything else. I think even the biggest Spears haters are hoping that she stops makes a fool for herself and at least lands on even footing, though feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.

Regardless, this new Britney Spears music video, called “Break the Ice,” does not spell comeback in any way or form. Here are five reasons why:

• The song is terrible. Like most Britney Spears songs, the techno mix is over-the-top, cheesy and manufactured. If her real voice is in there somewhere, it’s hard to tell. The song sounds like countless other forgettable pop songs before it, and doesn’t have the quality to be a big radio hit or the beat to succeed at dance clubs. Unfortunately, the song sounds like a Britney Spears song, which means it might have been successful five years ago.
• The music video has nothing to do with the song. If the lyrics have something to do with what’s happening visually, I didn’t pick up on it. The song begins and the music video begins, but rarely do the two seem synced or even related. The video doesn’t feature a singing superhero, and when it does show Britney’s lips, they don’t match up to the words we’re hearing. It seems as though the animators were told to make a three-minute superhero cartoon, but were never given the song to work off.
• The animation isn’t very good. Aside from the fact that the music video has nothing to do with the Britney Spears song, the animation isn’t intriguing enough to make us watch for watching’s sake. Had everything matched up, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but as is, it seems as though this music video needed to look really, really cool and really edgy to overcome its deficiencies, but alas, that is not the case. The animation is basic at best, and not worth even a minute of your time.
• Britney Spears isn’t in the music video. I’ve never liked Britney Spears’ songs. Over the course of her up-and-down history, there are probably two or three songs that I’ve tolerated enough to listen to. However, that hasn’t stopped me from looking at her. Even now, after everything, she’s pretty good looking, and the only reason I’d even consider watching her old music videos were to see her strutting her stuff in some sexy outfit. Unfortunately, this “Break the Ice” video does not show even a second of the real Britney Spears, which begs the question: “What’s the point?”

Yes, it’s true. I’ve taken a break from FilmJabber for a few days to fly several hours from Seattle, Washington down to Lima, Peru. It’s my first time to South America and I’m certainly looking forward to it… of course, as you read it, I’ll have already been in Peru for several days. After spending a couple days in Lima, I should be on my way to the ruins of Machu Picchu, what is supposed to be one of the most beautiful, wondrous and mysterious manmade structures in the world.

From there, I drop down in the Amazon to stay at some eco-resort where there’s no electricity. Sounds great, except for the bugs, Yellow Fever and malaria. Thinking of diseases, I had to get four different vaccinations – that was fun. I don’t mind needles, but my arms hurt for a day. I also have take malaria pills every day for a month. (

I’ll be back on March 31st, but keep checking back as I have some great blog posts planned. After all, I don’t want you to have separation anxiety and do something foolish, like take a gander at one of those other, lesser film sites.

Those of you looking to kill a minute or two, voice your opinion and have a stab at $20 Fandango Bucks should head on over to voxpop.tv and try out their Jim Carrey game. Why? Because I said so!

Seriously, the game is pretty cool. Basically, it’s Jim Carrey Death Match, which means his movies go head-to-head and you get to decide which one’s better. Eventually, after several one-on-one matches, you eventually end up with your top pick. The whole game is easy to play, takes almost zero brain power and runs on some pretty cool Flash technology.

Interestingly enough, I thought I knew what my favorite Jim Carrey movie is… but as the picks kept on appearing, I found myself torn. I absolutely love Dumb & Dumber, but, then again, I also love The Truman Show. Dumb & Dumber is funnier, but is The Truman Show a better all around movie? Of course, the guys (and ladies) over at Box Office Prophets would say Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is one of the best movies ever.

What did I choose? Maybe I’ll tell you, but maybe I won’t.

Play the Jim Carrey game now! 

You must have heard the story by now, whether on the radio, on the news or at the water cooler. Some idiot in England bought a $12,000 engagement ring (please tell me that’s more than two month’s salary, because I don’t know how this guy could make that much money based on his judgment call here) with plans to propose to his girlfriend.

Lefkos Hajji wanted to do something unique and thoughtful, so he thought that while he’s “popping the question,” she should be popping a balloon. And no, not just any balloon! A balloon that has something special inside… namely, his $12,000 engagement ring. Honestly, it’s a neat enough idea and something that probably sounded really great when he came up with it and discussed it with his friends.

But, when you fill that same balloon with helium (note: helium, as I learned, does not only make your voice sound funny, but it also causes things to float), take it outside and let go of it when a “strong” gust of wind hits you, that idea is suddenly not so good.

If it were me, and I were bold (or thick) enough to do something like this -which I’m not – I would hold onto that balloon even if I were caught outside in a Category 5 hurricane. Hell, I would figure out a way to defy gravity and fly just in case something bad were to happen.

Long story short, the guy loses the balloon when a gust of wind hits him, the engagement ring goes flying away into the sky, and the guy spends two hours driving around trying to track the balloon. If he had that little kid from The Kite Runner, he might have been in better shape, but, alas, he did not get the ring back.

Even better, he goes and tells his girlfriend, and now she refuses to talk to him until he buys her another ring. Are you f**king kidding? Either these two are the best match for each other, or the worse. He’s a dumbass, and she’s a bitch. Why would you put your engagement ring into a helium-filled balloon, and how could you be such a bitch as to force the guy to buy another one right away?