Posts Tagged ‘uwe boll’

Here’s a Uwe Boll video you have to see, talking about people’s attempts to get 1,000,000 people to sign a petition calling for Uwe Boll to stop making movies:

Thank you, Lord! In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale has flopped, taking in only $950,000 on Friday, January 11, 2008. That means the movie, according to Box Office Prophets, should only make about $2.5 over the three-day weekend.

Why I am so happy? Well, as you probably know, the movie is directed by Uwe Boll, the worst director in the history of cinema. Uwe Boll’s movies suck beyond belief, and I’m sure In the Name of the King is no different.

I was worried, however. The movie has a better cast (Jason Statham, for instance) than some of his other pictures, and the production values seem higher. As far as the movie trailers go, the marketing team did a pretty good job in making the movie look halfway decent; while it doesn’t look great, the trailer is cohesive enough to pass the film off as a respectable, B-grade fantasy action picture. I was worried that audiences unaware of Boll’s deadly touch would turn out and give In the Name of the King a $5-$7 million opening, which would just be horrible.

But now my Saturday is better… If the Seahawks beat the Packers, I will be on top of the world!

Freestyle Releasing must have read my blog post! With three Uwe Boll movies slated to be released in a month-long period at the beginning of 2008, Freestyle – the company that is foolishly releasing all three – must have realized that is one Uwe Boll movie to many (I would counter that three is three too many). Fearing that the world would internally combust, Freestyle has dropped the video game adaptation Postal from the release schedule. It may still see the light of day, but the movie Postal won’t be seen anytime soon.

Fans of Postal are actually rejoicing right now.

Pigs are flying. Hell is freezing over. Yes, Uwe Boll has risen from the ashes and will be gracing us with not one, not even two, but three disasters within one month of each other. Yes, can you believe it? Can you believe that he still gets work? Can you believe that distributors still believe in his movies? Can you believe that anyone actually goes watches his garbage?

On January 11, 2008, we get In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, a Jason Statham-starring film. Hell, even if Uwe Boll wasn’t directing the movie, I can tell from the title that it’s going to suck.

On January 25, 2008, we get Seed, also from Freestyle Releasing.

And on February 1, 2008, Postal, based on the video game, comes to theaters from – you guessed it – Freestyle Releasing.

What is Freestyle thinking? Are they just trying to dump these all at once so they don’t have to worry about Boll anymore? Somehow, I’m guessing they have more sinister plans in mind. I’m pretty sure that the soul of Adolf Hitler himself – if he had a soul – has returned and inhabited the body of the President of Freestyle Releasing. What other explanation could it be?

I would not be surprised if these releases turn into limited releases, or get pushed back, but it’s pretty shocking to see that three movies from the same director are coming out within a month of one another, let along from Uwe Boll, who is regarded by many as the worst director ever.

Boo, Freestyle Releasing! Boo!