Black Christmas Movie Review
One might suspect that a horror movie released on Christmas day, titled Black Christmas no less, may not exactly be the cream of the crop. However, this R-rated sorority girl slasher flick may possibly be one of the dumbest, most contrived horror movies to grace the silver screen in a long time.
Black Christmas stars Michelle Trachtenberg and Lacey Chabert as two of several good-looking-but-not-so-bright sorority sisters who are hanging out at their house on Christmas. As holiday music plays, the snow falls, and Santa Claus is jerking off somewhere to the attractive cast, the girls (and a guy here and there) are picked off one by one. To be perfectly honest, I was trying to catch up on email while watching this movie, so I didn't quite capture every plot point, but it is a firm belief of mine that if a movie is good, I will pay attention. And if not, my attention will wander. My mind wandered... just a little bit. Who was the killer again?
The movie, though different in setting, was very similar to a recent Horrorfest movie titled Dark Ride. That movie was about a deranged serial killer who returned home and killed a bunch of people. No other plot, just slice and dice and not much else. Black Christmas is the same, except the movie lacks two things Dark Ride had: good death scenes and nudity. And it's sad that I even have to compare this movie to Dark Ride, as that film wasn't anything to scream about and Black Christmas almost assuredly had a bigger budget.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: how hard is it to make a good slasher flick where sorority girls are the victims? Hell, it doesn't have to be good, but can still be "good." You have a bunch of sorority girls, a couple of them get naked, throw in a few sex scenes, and then murder them... there's your sorority slasher flick. Sex, nudity and gore sell, so why does Black Christmas stay away from all three? The cast is certainly hot, but apparently none of them were willing to undress. This may make me sound shallow, if I don't already, but nudity goes a long way in films like this - hell, that was the only good thing about Hostel (and now they're making a sequel! Are you frikkin' kidding me?).
Even worse, Black Christmas lacks any excitement or thrilling death sequences. Director Glen Morgan, whose claim to fame behind the camera is Willard and one episode of "The X-Files", was clearly the wrong choice. He has no sense for developing suspense, as almost all of the death scenes come quickly and without setup. Furthermore, the death scenes are so quick that you don't even get to see what's going on - I don't need gore, but Morgan shies away from showing violence so much you often can't tell who just got killed.
Furthermore, Black Christmas is just plain boring, despite the fact people get killed every few minutes.
Black Christmas is a disaster of a horror flick. Despite a good-looking cast, the director fails to capitalize on an easy premise in any way or form. Be a good little boy or girl this year, because otherwise you could end up with this piece of coal in your stocking come Christmas.
Review by Erik Samdahl unless otherwise indicated.