BloodRayne movie poster
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BloodRayne movie poster

BloodRayne Movie Review

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"BloodRayne" is the latest Uwe Boll movie. Enough said. I don't know why I continue to watch his movies, but it's like looking at a bad car wreck - you just have to see how bad it is.

With each new release, Boll's movies are certainly getting better, but you can tell they are continually bumping against a very low glass ceiling that hangs somewhere between Purgatory and Hell. "BloodRayne" has better production values than Boll's previous movies, but still suffers from the same low-budget look that probably isn't the fault of set designers as much as it is Boll's vision. Things just look cheesy, the acting is cheesy, and the action is cheesy. Some things just don't change.

Amazingly, Boll continues to pull in more and more well-known actors into his films. He must be a really good poker player, have some serious blackmail on these people, or give really good... well, we won't go there. Anyway, "BloodRayne" stars Kristanna Loken as the title character. Loken, who you may not have heard of, was certainly hot stuff when she played the hottie Terminator villain in "Terminator 3," but has since certainly sunk to new lows with this movie. She plays a half vampire, half human something-or-other that is caught up in some plot where she is a special-something-or-other that can save or destroy the world. I stopped paying close attention about ten minutes in, but I know that Sir Ben Kingsley is the villain. This movie, along with the series of other bad flicks Kinglsey has done, is enough to warrant said actor to be stripped of his knighthood. Other actors duped into this film are Michelle Rodriguez, Michael Madsen, Meat Loaf and Billy Zane.

Aside from the fact that the script is terrible and the dialogue stale, the casting is downright awful. This movie is set in medieval times and presumably in Eastern Europe somewhere, so - excuse my language - why the fuck is Michelle Rodriguez in this movie. I like Rodriguez and think she's a pretty good actress, but why would a Latina with a crappy British accent be running around in Romania?

I have never played the video game and never will, but I know fans are upset that Boll is destroying every video game franchise sacred to them - and has more atrocities on the way. Compared to his other movies, "BloodRayne" is certainly a little more watchable, but at the same time that almost makes them worse. "House of the Dead" was so freaking bad that it was hilarious; "Alone in the Dark" was really bad and mildly funny at times (Tara Reid as a scientist anyone?); "BloodRayne" is just bad, but really not so drastically embarrassing that you can laugh at it. So, in some ways, it is the least entertaining of Boll's movies. That said, the rather gratuitous and pointless sex scene here is quite laughable.

"BloodRayne" really has no redeeming value, as it is neither funny nor entertaining. It does mark an improvement in production values over Boll's previous movies, but that's not saying much. And even if he were given a budget of $100 million and A-list actors (no, I can't really consider Sir Ben Kingsley to be one anymore), I'm sure he would botch it.

Review by Erik Samdahl unless otherwise indicated.

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