What do you get when you combine terrible graphics, horrible action and a story that went through the shredder twice before being taped back together incorrectly to misguide a bunch of big stars in creating one of the most confusing and utterly God-awful movies of all time? Why, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, of course!
Very few movies are as bad as the one being reviewed here, for a number of factors (such as at least one scene making any sense). Many people have seen the disaster called Batman and Robin; well, this one is much worse. For a long time, Joel Schumacher held the title of "One Super Crappy Director," before snapping out of his funk and going onto create a series of superb movies (most recently the decent Veronica Guerin). McG now holds the title. While the first Charlie's Angels was questionable at times, McG pulled things off thanks to a funny and entertaining script that made at least some sense. His use of computer graphics was pretty bad and some of his action scenes quite unbelievable, but the satirical script saved him. Not here. The graphics are a thousand times worse than the original, the script is mince meat, and McG seemingly made special "improvements" to make sure that each individual scene makes absolutely no sense. Sadly, he is in line to direct the new Superman movie; if it is anything like this movie, we are in for a load of trouble.
At this point is where the review usually gives a description of what the movie is about, but Charlie's Angels 2 makes so little sense that there is no point in even trying to summarize it. There is some plot about the witness protection agency and an ex-Angel (Demi Moore), but basically the movie jumps around from scene to scene with little connection in between. Most of the time the three Angels (Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu and Cameron Diaz) are either dancing to stupid music or performing the most ludicrous stunts ever conceived by man; I don't know which is worse. An action-comedy should not have five dance numbers in it, but the fight scenes are so stupid and incomprehensible that it is hard to nail down exactly which is worse. One thing is for sure: the graphics do not help. The graphics are so utterly bad that it doesn't even look real when the characters are standing in front of a movie, let alone when they are jumping off dams or what have you.
Just to put things in perspective, let me explain a few scenes that forever will stand out as completely idiotic: 1) The Angels fall of a large dam, jump out of the truck that they were diving, climb into a helicopter in mid-air (somehow avoiding the rotor blades), and, after two minutes of descent that would have sent them halfway to China, pull a 90-degree change in direction within feet of slamming into the ground.
2) The Angels all grab a hold of a rope, and, as a huge crate attached to the other end plummets towards the ground, they are sent skyward. They then proceed to break through a ceiling window, fly 30 feet in the air, all land on separate pieces of rope that lead down to the ground below (while using pieces of broken boards as skateboards), and slide to safety.
Well, that's enough, isn't it? Yes, yes it is. This movie is insanely stupid.
Even worse, the movie is not even remotely funny, even with Bernie Mac taking over the role of Bosley from Bill Murray.
Though the script and graphics suck, the bulk of this disaster can be solely blamed on McG. After all, this is his film, and it might very well end up being the worst movie of the year. Or the decade. Century?
Review by Erik Samdahl unless otherwise indicated.
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