G-Force movie poster
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G-Force movie poster

G-Force Movie Review

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G-Force. I can only image the porn rip-off names. The Jerry Bruckheimer-produced action thriller starring a bunch of gerbils is now available on DVD and Blu-Ray, which is great news for all those parents who were smart enough not to go see this movie in theaters. Now, they can insert the disc, lock their little kids in a room and go watch something with a semblance of intelligence, like "Teletubbies" or "Barney."

It's always hard to review movies like this, because a critic's perspective on a movie aimed at five-year olds is pretty pointless. To be fair, little kids - especially boys - will find lots to enjoy in G-Force. It has a decent amount of action, furry animals with all the stereotypical voices and plenty of fart and piss jokes. It's brainless fun.

Except that it's so brainless, parents will be running to the garage to grab a power drill to give themselves and their children a homemade lobotomy. And in the 21st century, we just can't have that.

G-Force is more painful to sit through than I could have imagined. The previews - while utterly stupid - made the movie look mildly amusing. G-Force is not amusing. The main characters, the gerbils, all possess bad-ass accents that cater to the typical racial stereotypes. Not a big deal, but can't Hollywood do better? But this just stems from the larger, central problem: the screenplay.

Some might say that a screenplay doesn't matter for a movie such as this, and from a kid's perspective, that's probably true. But for the parents forced to sit through this crap with their children, the screenplay makes the movie completely unbearable. I had to fast-forward through large chunks of the movie just to survive with my sanity.

The screenplay is written by the Wibberleys, who should be put into burlap bags and beaten into submission. While I did like Bad Boys II, despite its over-the-top nature, this duo is responsible for such crap as The 6th Day, I Spy, The Shaggy Dog and, most notably, the God-awful Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. They also did the popular National Treasure movies, but no one's kidding themselves by saying those movies were made better by the writing. In other words, the Wibberley's have shown that they have a tendency to produce crap more often than not. G-Force is just as painful as Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, only with better special effects.

The one area where G-Force does succeed is the visuals, which is not surprising considering Hoyt Yeatman, making his big-screen directorial debut, has worked for years in visual effects on such movies as Armageddon. Yeatman holds his own and offers the kiddies mildly amusing action sequences that are taken just seriously enough to work; though overall I found the sequences underwhelming and, surprisingly, somewhat spartan.

G-Force may be a bundle of furry fun for kids under ten, but its terrible screenplay unleashes so much bad dialogue that it makes George W. Bush sound like Shakespeare.

The 3-disc Blu-Ray set comes with a blooper reel, music videos, a G-Force training simulation and several featurettes that take a look at the creation of the characters, the animation lab, Bruckheimer's past ventures in CG and more. All features are included on just one disc; the other two are reserved for a DVD and digital version of the film. Just what we need - more G-Force "fun."

Review by Erik Samdahl unless otherwise indicated.

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