Jonah Hex Movie Review
There was a [brief] time in American history where people would say it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how bad the movie is. It had Megan Fox in it, and she plays a prostitute and wears a corset. It doesn't matter how bad the movie is, it's worth watching. That time in American history lasted for about a year, and no one truly believed it. Still, had Jonah Hex been released a couple years earlier, people would have cared. Instead, they shrugged off Jonah Hex for the piece of crap it is.
There was also a time when Jonah Hex did look cool. Josh Brolin, coming off strong performances in No Country for Old Men, Milk and W., was announced to be the titular star. The movie was based on a comic book, and comic book adaptations were hot (still are). Shots of Megan Fox in a corset were conveniently linked to the Internet. Things were looking good, and then reality set in. The reality that more movies than not are terrible.
Jimmy Hayward directed this disaster. His only other claim to fame is Horton Hears a Who!, which was pretty good, but he'd never done a live-action movie before and hopefully never will again. Jonah Hex, despite a $47 million budget, looks and feels like a cheap direct-to-video film. Brolin hams it up in a way no Oscar nominee should, though the script by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor must be held partly responsible. The dialogue is laughable, the plot even more so. When you have actors capable of great stuff such as John Malkovich, Michael Shannon and Wes Bentley embarrassing themselves on screen, bad coffee in the morning isn't to blame. Jonah Hex comes out guns blazing, but the guns are aimed directly at the audience.
There's not much else to say. The movie is fast paced and full of action, but the action is never inspiring or well done. It gets more ridiculous as it goes along (and the scene with horse-mounted rail guns come at the beginning) and the climax is completely unfulfilling. Then again, by that point, my brain had self destructed inside my skull. Seriously, some of it was dripping out of my ears.
Jonah Hex should be one of those movies it's so bad it's good, but it isn't. It isn't as laughable as it is just painful, which makes it even worse. Jonah Hex is simply a tepid combination of uninspired creativity, bad acting and horrible writing. Recommended? Not so much.
Review by Erik Samdahl unless otherwise indicated.