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London movie poster

London Movie Review

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After months of sleepless nights waiting in anticipation, my dreams were finally realized when Hunter Richards' film London finally arrived on the big screen. You might ask, what is London, I've never heard of it? Well, up until about two weeks ago neither had I, and for good reason. I can easily say that London is the worst film I have seen so far this year. While I am only choosing from about five films, it seems unlikely that London will climb the ranks anytime soon. London is the epitome of an unnecessary film, devoid of anything interesting enough to warrant making a movie about. The acting isn't horrible, neither is the script, yet throughout the film I found myself hoping that a large bird of prey would fly down and gouge out my eyes so that I wouldn't have to watch any more. Although a little dramatic (there typically are no birds of prey in movie theaters), it is not too far from the truth.

The story, the story, oh boy, the story. What happened? If someone can tell me as to why anyone wanted to write this story, let alone spend money to film it, please let me know (Hunter Richards, I would like to hear from you). The story is basically about a guy (Chris Evans) and his drug dealer (Jason Statham) who spend an hour and a half in a bathroom doing drugs and talking about life at a going away party for Jessica Biel, Evan's ex who he wants to get back together with. Sounds good right. First off, not being a drug user, I am not sure how much cocaine one person can have at a time, but it seemed that Evans, Statham and co-star Joy Bryant (why oh why?) did a line of cocaine about every minute (isn't that a tad excessive?). Evans doesn't even realize that Jessica will not speak to him if she sees that he is on drugs. Way to go.

The film tries to be one of those great conversation films, where characters talk about different subjects in a witty way (dare I compare this to the Before Sunset/Before Sunrise films…probably not). The conversation topics range from drugs to S&M to relationships to, yeah, well that's about it. I have no desire to hear and see Jason Statham about to be shat on by some leather-bound female. About the only thing this film does succeed at is creating the most unlikable and annoying character, portrayed brilliantly by Evans. In fact, my favorite part in the entire film was when Bryant fulfilled every audience member's desire by telling Evans to "Shut up, shut the fuck up." I certainly could see little reason for why Jessica Biel's character found anything in him to begin with. But thankfully that did not stop Richards from having them inconceivably get back together at the end. Evans gives hope to all guys who are losers.

And while it pains me to recall the elements of this film, I will mention one more aspect that helped to drive this movie into the ground. The set. While trying to go for a very modern, hip New Yorker look, the appearance of the apartment, and especially the bathroom looked more like a crypt. Everything is gray and dark, and that damn bathroom mirror seems to appear in every shot. If a movie is going to stay in one room it sure as hell better mix up the shots, and at least cover the entire room.

While I could continue, this movie is certainly not worth any more of my time or yours for that matter. I can see why Evans and Statham chose the film, mid-level actors with starring roles, but I can't see why anyone else did (including the production companies). Given a better, well, movie, it could have been something. But, unfortunately for us it's not. Please, from the bottom of my heart, don't see this film in any form, especially not at the theater. And while I eagerly await Hunter Richards' next film, you can certainly find something better in the bargain bin, or hell, maybe even in the garbage bin.

Review by Erik Samdahl unless otherwise indicated.

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