Cameron Diaz has had her hits, but she has also had her Very Bad Things. Unfortunately for her and us, The Sweetest Thing is a definite miss. In fact, it is so bad that even her half-dressed presence couldn't stop me from firing the "stop" signal remote at the DVD player so I could pull this dreadful mess from the machine before it could become even more corrupted.
I had problems getting the DVD started. My player refused to play it for a couple of minutes, saying it was a "bad disk." I jiggled it around and finally got it going, but I should have listened to the machine's advice. There were other signs as well. While renting the movie, the computer at Blockbuster refused to take my coupon card; the clerk had to manually credit me the amount. The Sweetest Thing is so bad that the Blockbuster computers don't even want to check it out to anyone.
The movie is a romance comedy of sorts about a sexy woman (Diaz) who dances around and makes perverted jokes. Okay, so that's not what the plot says on the box, but that is about as deep as the movie goes. To add a little clarity, she goes on a mini-road trip to reunite with the man of her dreams, who of course is getting married (haven't we heard this before?). Her best friend (Christina Applegate) goes along with her, while her other good friend (Selma Blair) stays behind to have sex with her newfound boy toy. If this added plot doesn't sound much more interesting, then you agree with me.
The Sweetest Thing looked back enough from the previews, but a friend and his little brother suggested it. I don't always agree with what they think is funny, but I do to a degree; I wasn't expecting a great movie, but something with at least some entertainment value. I laughed a lot, but only because every scene was so incredible bad, so horribly acted, so cheesily filmed, so stupidifying that I am now making up my own words to describe it (find two in this sentence). I don't understand what my friends saw in this piece of crap - they said it was better than There's Something About Mary, but it was even worse than Very Bad Things, which was a very bad movie. The three women basically prance around in tight clothing the entire movie, and usually that would be a good thing, but there is absolutely no substance to go along with anything the women do, and I need at least something. I knew the end of my watching experience was coming near when the three women (who act like neurotic junior high boys looking at porno magazines the entire time) are sitting in a restaurant and they break into song, an aptly titled, "The Penis Song." Yes, they sing about how such large penises can't fit inside them, and stuff like that. It's not clever, and it's not funny.
I just can't believe that Cameron Diaz, let alone anyone, would become involved like a picture like this. The Sweetest Thing is yet another enigma that asks the question why would anyone read the script - if there was a script to begin with - and want to join this picture. The movie seems so obsessed with teasing the audience with Diaz/Applegate/Blair cleavage that it becomes annoying, and loses all sense of reality, believability, and entertainment. I have never seen such stupidity, even in other F-grade movies, as I have seen here. It might not be quite as bad as a few of the films on that list (like Freddy Got Fingered), but it is damn close.
What do a lighter, gasoline, a tank, and dog crap have in common? The first three can be used to destroy the latter, and that works for The Sweetest Thing as well, if there is any difference.
Review by Erik Samdahl unless otherwise indicated.
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