A deer peeing. The Tuxedo starts out with a beautiful waterfall, nature all around, and a deer lifting its tail to pee. From that point, I knew that I had just wasted five dollars.

The Tuxedo stars Jackie Chan as a taxi driver with low self-esteem who is hired by a secret agent to drive him around. When the very Bond-like figure is nearly killed, Chan adopts the man's high-tech tuxedo - which is much like an updated version of Inspector Gadget - and masquerades as his boss, though it is never explained why he does this. The Tuxedo is the typical story of a man posing as someone else who is thrown into situations way out of his league, but still manages to win when the day is done. Just like all other stories of this kind, The Tuxedo really sucks.

I love Jackie Chan. Even his bad movies are usually good; his style of fighting, combining fast-paced kung fu with humorous stunts and props is a guaranteed formula for success. Obviously, the people behind The Tuxedo didn't think so, because they threw all of that in the window. I'll say it right here: Jackie Chan barely fights at all in this movie, and when he does it is only for half-minute bursts, and half of those half-minutes are computer-generated. The whole big deal about Jackie Chan is that he doesn't need special effects to do amazing things, and The Tuxedo just blows that all to hell.

This is just such an awful movie. It has no redeeming value whatsoever, unless you count the cliched villain, the cheesy jokes, the stupid action scenes, and the forced emotion that I could just as easily see on Barney. Chan tries to play his usual cute self, but when surrounded by such God-awful garbage (and I actually do like Jennifer Love Hewitt believe it or not, but she adds nothing to the movie the way Chris Tucker or Owen Wilson do), he is overwhelmed. His outtakes are the best part of the movie.

I am still waiting for the day when Hollywood realizes that Chan can carry his own American movie should he be allowed to do some really awesome action, but I have a feeling I will be waiting for a while. He has so much to offer, but The Tuxedo offers nothing.

Review by Erik Samdahl unless otherwise indicated.