Urban Legends: Final Cut Movie Review
In 1996, Scream revitalized a genre. In 1997, Scream 2 showed that horror sequels do work. And in 1998, many critics said that Urban Legend marked the quick descent of the horror genre. Contrary to their statements, Urban Legend was a truly freaky movie with a few over-the-top parts. The horror sequel I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, which only came out a month later, marked the real descent of the genre. Yet for some reason horror films are still being made. Final Destination marked a flare in a dark sea of decrepit action films, and the latest one to come along is Urban Legends: Final Cut, a movie that should not have been made. I am surprised it was made.
First off, there are no returning cast members from the first movie. Sure, there's Reese, the loud security guard, but she was not exactly a big figure in the first film. Alicia Witt and all the others who survived (did I just give anything away... no, not really) are no where to be seen, nor are their characters. And even though (SPOILER alert) the killer survived in the first film (end SPOILER), the killer in this one is different. So why is this considered a sequel? Well, Urban Legends is about a killer who murders the cast and crew of a movie about urban legends.
The story is lame. A lot of people criticized Scream 3 for being what it was trying to make fun of, but Urban Legends is the perfect example of just how dumb and trite horror movies can become. Not only does it rip off the story from Scream 3 in a really shitty way, but it presents so many pointless plot points that it is hard to count. It is slow, unexciting, and unsuspenseful. I'd rather watch a dead rat decompose.
There are barely any urban legends in the movie. Where the first one actually incorporated some pretty good legends into the story, this lame sequel hardly has any of that. The very first death involves a girl waking up in a bathtub with her kidney sitting on the table next to her, which is pretty cool, but it seems like after that the screenwriter got tired and decided to call it quits. The rest of the deaths are bland (one guy is beaten to death with his camera and two are electrocuted) and not very exciting.
Horror movies really only need three things: sex, violence, and thrills. A story isn't even all that important if the movie scares you enough. Unfortunately, that is not the case with Urban Legends. I was not scared once through the entire thing. There is one sex scene with no nudity, but it turns out to be a dream (that's another thing... more than once, the movie tricks the audience into thinking that something is happening, and then it turns out to be on a movie set or in someone's mind). The violence is minimal.
The only good thing going for this movie is the gore. While most of the movie is dead, there are two or three scenes where Urban Legends shines. In one scene, a girl is decapitated. In another, we see a rat crawling out of a girl's neck. Yes!
The acting is crap. The main character, played by Jessica Cauffiel, is pretty good, but there is nothing outstanding about her. The rest of the characters are about as cheesy as they come, and for the most part done hand in hand with pretty bad performances by the actors.
Urban Legends: Final Cut is one of the dumbest and probably the worst horror movie I have seen in the last five years. It is by no means a worthy sequel, if it can be called that, and not even a worthy B-grade horror film. I could go one for another page about all the stupid things in this movie, but I think you've gotten the point by now. And to think that this movie is trying to pay homage to Alfred Hitchcock...
Review by Erik Samdahl unless otherwise indicated.