The 10 Worst Johnny Depp Movies

No. 7. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

I gave Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – the Tim Burton version – a generous “B-” when it was originally released. That grade was extremely generous. Like extremely f**king generous.

An unnecessary remake from the beginning, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a disturbingly unnecessary remake that is less good than the original in every conceivable way. While the Oompa-Loompas were a personal disappointment, it was Johnny Depp’s creepy, pedophilic, Michael Jackson mockery of a performance that really pushed the film over the edge and into a chocolate cesspool of awfulness.

Just say no, kids.

No. 6. The Ninth Gate (2000)

In this alleged supernatural thriller, Johnny Depp wanders around a lot. That’s about all that happens. There is an “ending,” if you can call it that, but not much of one.

To be honest, I don’t remember much about The Ninth Gate. I’m pretty sure it has something to do with the blood and power drill I woke up to the next morning. But based on my review, the movie is predictable, the ending cheesy and the supernatural elements… not very supernatural.

No. 5. Sweeney Todd (2007)

The Tim Burton musical Sweeney Todd garnered rave reviews when it was released a few years back. Despite having been completely sick of Burton and Depp teaming up, I went to the movie with high hopes. I even tricked two of my guy friends to come along, failing to inform them that it was a musical. They naturally hated it. Sadly, so did I.

While many will disagree, the music in Sweeney Todd is dreadfully bad. Johnny Depp is OK, but not great, and the rest of the cast, including Burton’s girlfriend Helena Bonham Carter, is terrible. The movie is also boring, which is the only shocking part about a movie that focuses on a barber who violently murders people and then feeds them to neighbors.

No. 4. The Tourist (2010)

Oh Jesus. Where do I start? This Johnny Depp/Angelina Jolie collaboration is the epitome of everything that is wrong with Hollywood. Throw two stars together! Paste them into a story that makes little sense. Assume you’ll make money!

The Tourist was both a critical and box office failure, though it did manage to earn itself a Golden Globe nomination for Best Comedy or Musical – which really says it all since the movie is supposed to be a thriller. Seriously, Depp is terrible, the movie makes no sense and it is about as exciting as a snail race. Sorry snails, didn’t mean to offend you.

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By Erik Samdahl
Related categories: Action Movies, Comedies, Top 10 Movie Lists