I rarely review direct-to-DVD movies for the simple reason that there are usually reasons why movies go directly to DVD. Take National Lampoon's Pledge This!: Naughty Unrated Version, for instance. The DVD cover features Paris Hilton and two other more attractive girls wearing not much more than schoolgirl skirts and skimpy shirts - tempting enough to get me to watch it. But amidst rumors that Hilton was so upset about this movie that she was trying to completely distance herself from the project, you knew it had to be bad. And guess what? It is.

Pledge This! is quite possibly the most random and illogical college comedy ever conceived. I'm pretty sure there was no director or editor attached to this film, and that the studio just let a couple of monkeys play around and paste pieces of film together. Some flung feces might have gotten in by accident. The movie is essentially about this ragtag group of girls, from innocent hottie Paula Garcés (who has a recurring role on FX's "The Shield") to an overweight girl with gastric problems to an aging mother with a crazy sex drive to an Indian exchange student who has just discovered the magic of a dildo (her "platupussy"), who get kicked out of their dorm after a bathroom incident and are forced to find room and board at the most popular and richest sorority, which is ruled over with an iron fist by socialite Paris Hilton.

The movie lacks any cohesion from start to finish, as it features various narrators and several storylines that never match up. The basic plot makes no sense, and since everything else is based on that plot, nothing else makes sense, either. The editing is just horrendous, and if you think editing doesn't matter for a film like this, think again. The first half of the movie seems to jump between seemingly unconnected stories, and it even switches between narrators several times, something that I generally consider to be a big no-no. Oh, and the narration is some of the worst narration ever given to a film.

The movie isn't funny at all, as all of the jokes are about as cliché and cheesy as they come. The highlight of the film is when the boy toy of the story thinks he's getting a blow job from Paris Hilton when in fact he's getting the treatment from her dog. Yes, that's the highlight.

So, Pledge This! is stupid and isn't funny. What does it have going for it? Nudity. The movie has a fair amount of nudity, which is its only saving characteristic. Unfortunately, nudity alone cannot save a piece of crap such as this.

Pledge This! is one of the worst movies I have seen in a long time. There is absolutely no reason why you'd want to see this film unless you need to see Paris Hilton embarsass herself once again. Avoid at all costs.

Review by Erik Samdahl unless otherwise indicated.